16th Feb 2018: Hello Anxiety

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Dear Diary,

It gradually rolled over me yesterday, like the darkness at dusk. My partner asked if it was all the pressure from going back to working and studying at the same time, but honestly I don’t feel much pressure from all that (yet), classes have only just started and we’re still just being introduced to concepts. Even if I did feel the pressure, I’ve always been a grinder… I can keep cranking until I drop to the floor when I’m levelheaded, but when the darkness creeps in, it’s like moving through treacle. I still do it, but it takes 10x the energy.

Really the issue was a bit of a combination of lone wolf syndrome, and a bit of travel anxiety about my upcoming trip.

The first is largely about how I’ve always felt different, and like I didn’t quite fit in. In the last few years I’ve started to see this as a blessing, and loved being different. I even built a bit of an armour around myself so that people’s negative comments about it just bounced off, which could at times make me seem a little stand-offish, but I was just protecting my own personal energy. I think I have been having such a great time lately, and around great people, and I let my guard all the way down, letting some of the taint in…

The latter is because I always worry that I am going to forget something when I go travelling! And since this will be my first long haul, I keep trying to think of whatever I might have missed! I’m also not great with turbulence so I’m trying not to think about the fact that there’s a cyclone headed our way…

Anywho, life goes on. I know I’m being irrational when it hits, so as usual I withdrew and kept to myself until I finished work, had a mini meltdown when I got home and let the yuck out, and pulled myself together in time for my guitar lesson.

Anxiety is a bitch, but I wholeheartedly believe everything I’m doing is worth fighting for, and worth slugging up the hill until it flattens out into a plateau again. I’m also incredibly grateful for the people in my life who get it, and don’t add to the pile of yuck by making me feel even less adequate for being down about irrational things, when I’m already on the floor.

Stay grateful x

 

Laveena

 

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14th Feb 2018: Valentine’s Day

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Dear Diary,

It would seem fitting that this entry would come today, and maybe it’s just the vibes all around… but I have fallen in love…

With CAD software..

I had my very first fashion industry software class today which was a completely fresh introduction for me, and my-oh-my you dark little horse CAD.

The ideas for what I can create, now that I’m learning how to do it, are ENDLESS.

If you find yourself feeling a little left out without a Valentine this year, try falling in love with your dreams and your potential ♥

Stay saucy,

 

Laveena

13th Feb 2018: The Slog

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Dear Diary,

Even though I am only on my second day of fashion school, I already want more.

I hate that I need to work to pay my bills, instead of spend every waking moment being creative… all the more reason to work hard and be successful, and be able to do exactly that. Fuel for the fire.

Today there was a tinge of sadness that I will miss classes while I’m away next week. Although I know I can catch up on anything I NEEDED to know, there are always so many little tricks of the trade that you pick up in the classroom! I know that 10X Growth Con will be a gamechanger for me though, in mindset, in the connections made with other attendees, and in the learnings I take from the speakers who have done so much more than me already!

Stay hungry,

 

Laveena

 

12th Feb 2018: Day 1 of Fashion School

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Dear Diary,

I know that the practical step would have been to wait until the next school intake, when I had had more time to prepare for classes, and continue to work on my skills until then. But something in my GUT told me that this was the right path, and that the timing would never be perfect.

I also had the sneaking suspicion that if I had decided to wait 6 months to a year for the next intake, that I would regret the lost time. After all, I’ve waited YEARS to give this a go, why wait any longer? Sure it was going to be hard work, but I’ve never been scared of that, and it was always going to be hard.

Except it wasn’t that hard. It was INCREDIBLY interesting! The time flew by, and I think any nerves that my boss might have had about me not being constantly in the office seemed to dissipate as it became obvious that people didn’t even notice I wasn’t at my desk for a large chunk of what would be considered “normal” working hours (although there were plenty of other crazies working late to catch up on things so it would seem I’m not the only super busy person!).

I’m VERY excited about my first pattern making class today… BRING IT ON!

Stay electric,

 

Laveena

 

Let the Adventure Begin

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Dear Diary,

This week I decided to dive headfirst into my creative journey, and sign up for fashion design school. On it’s own it doesn’t seem crazy, but I am still going to be working fulltime (or at least close) around classes.

The school is only a 10 minute walk away from my office, my work is flexible, and my boss is happy that I can make it work.

Given my history of working hard and long hours, the school is happy that I can around the 9 days I will be out of the country for 10X Growth Con, and that I will own the responsibility to catch up on anything I have missed.

I am SO INCREDIBLY excited to be starting classes! There is also a little tinge of fear that I won’t have enough of the basic knowledge to start off with, and regret that I haven’t spent more of my spare time developing my creative skills… but I know that none of this is productive, and I just have to use that fear to drive me harder to learn.

Classes already started last week, so I’m actually missing 3 weeks of classes, and will already be starting behind, but I know I can do it! I’ve already picked up all my art supplies (which terrify me because my drawing skills, combined with a problem with perfection), and I’m rearing to get started on mastering the fears that hold me back from everything that is exciting and wonderful!

Stay crazy,

 

Laveena

Tend to Your Life Like It’s Your Business

because it is…

If you’d invested hundreds or thousands of dollars and hours time in your business, would you decide to just abandon it one day? Or would you fight tooth and nail to make it work?

Would you leave it up to just any random stranger to make sure the ship is moving in the right direction, and just assume they know which direction that is? Unlikely…

The seeds you sew, and the plants that spring forth from them, are the result of a little research, the right combination of conditions, and a little love. Without continued attention, and adjustment to conditions where needed they can wilt and die.

Why would you abandon the rest of your life and leave it for everyone else to decide what should be done about your sad looking herb garden? Do you think someone else cares as much about the size of your tomatoes as you do?

This doesn’t mean you need to be physically doing everything… but you should probably know what’s going on, who’s doing it, why they’re doing it, what your alternatives are, and if you’re really happy with that course of action, or if you’re just going along with it.

Food (or rather lemonade) for thought.

 

Laveena

via Daily Prompt: Tend

Good Days and Bad Days

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Sitting down for my minimum 30 minute songwriting slot this morning, I realised with a little prompt from a random word generator for inspiration that the songs were flowing out of me. Yesterday was quite a different story, only getting out a couple lines that I liked, and not finding the rest of the lyrics for the songs that I knew were rolling around inside me somewhere.

We all have both good and bad days (some have more good or bad days than others), and of course a large part of this is perception, but also a large part of what we consider a good or bad day comes down to confidence in what we’re doing. Confidence in turn can be increased by getting better at what you happen to spend your time on.

I know that by writing every day, I’ll get better at it, and will find new tricks and prompts along the way that work for me, and it’s the same for the playing the guitar and clothing design. I can’t go back and “re-invest” lost time on what I’m now interested in, but I can make the most of now!

What are you working on increasing your confidence in?

 

Laveena